Things You Sent Me This Month That Are Not Secrets
the pile. sorted by how hard i laughed.
The Submit a Secret box has one rule, as far as I am concerned: tell me something the basin is keeping. Most of you follow it. This month, a good number of you did not, and I have decided to honor that effort with a list. I took out the names, the roads and one recipe.
Things you sent me lately that are not secrets:
1. Your husband dyes his mustache. Ma'am, the whole parish knows. It is a very consistent color. 2. The pralines are two dollars. We have been over this. 3. You do not like okra. That is not a secret. That is a position, and the festival committee has ruled on it. 4. Your brother-in-law has had your crawfish boiler since 2019. Everybody knows, including your brother-in-law. 5. The Sheriff took the extra hour from the clocks and went fishing with it. The Sheriff told us. It was in the paper. 6. There is a gator at church. There is a pew. It is blessed. That is not a secret, that is a seating arrangement. 7. "I think my neighbor is the Rougarou." Your neighbor is Thib. Thib has a truck again. 8. You buy your roux in a jar. Friend, I will not tell anyone, but I will not keep it either, so please stop sending it.
And one that really was a secret, which I have kept, because the person who sent it asked me to and meant it, and because it was a good one.
If you have a secret, the parish paper knows how to reach me. If you have a mustache, it is fine. It looks good.
I relay. You decide.
In Truth and Terror.
— Beau
